


Show me I'm still wanted

by BloodthirstyMerc



Series: C is for Common [22]
Category: DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childhood Trauma, Condoms, Crossdressing, Feminization, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jason is not okay, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Molestation, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Dick Grayson, safe sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:34:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22316398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodthirstyMerc/pseuds/BloodthirstyMerc
Summary: “Then show me, please.” Jason almost begs. Dick bites into the inside of his lip and gives a small nod. He can’t deny his attraction to Jason, and he can’t deny that despite everything, being intimate with him right now, especially if it will make Jason feel better does appeal to him.{{Another request. One of two endings to 'The danger of heels'.}}
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd
Series: C is for Common [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1060787
Comments: 1
Kudos: 125





	Show me I'm still wanted

**Author's Note:**

> [Here is the first part of this fic.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19964230)
> 
> [Here is the alternate ending.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22301011)

Dick hadn’t felt great about it, but Jason had insisted that he was fine and that Dick could go home for the night. He was drained, they both were, but Dick doubts that he’ll even sleep easy tonight. What happened was still fresh in his head, the look on Jason’s face was burned into his mind, and the way that creep looked at him, like he was some prize. Dick felt sick, he felt like he’d never be clean again. He sat there and did nothing, just watched it happen, watched Jason suffer through that. The scary thought that he has no idea how far Jason would have been willing to go won’t leave his mind either.

But leaving Jason behind when his ride had shown up, that was the worst of it. Jason played off a smile well, could easily put on the charm and act like everything was fine. And it was scary because Dick couldn’t tell the difference when Jason did that. The moment he’s in his apartment, Dick’s tense shoulders drop but he doesn’t move. He’s still dressed up in clothes he wishes he could burn, but he can’t move. He feels like he needs to go back out there and stay with Jason. But he knows that clinging to Jason like that won’t help him.

So, he finally, finally manages to get himself to undress and head for a shower. It doesn’t help much, he’s not able to stop himself from clinging to the thoughts that don’t want to leave him alone. It’s when he’s getting changed that he hears a faint knock at his window. His chest tightens instantly, there are only a few people that try coming through the window and when he turns and sees Jason, leaning against the frame, looking miserable, his heart sinks.

Dick’s quick to step over and disarm his security before unlocking the window and opening it. And he knows that Jason knows how to break in without setting anything off, so the fact that he didn’t let himself in is even more concerning. Jason glances up at him without saying anything straight away as he almost shyly crawls in. And he doesn’t stand nearly as tall as he naturally does as he wraps his arms around himself and looks at Dick like a kicked dog.

“I’m sorry if… for just showing up.” Jason murmurs and Dick’s shoulders sag as he carefully reaches out and rubs his hands down Jason’s arms.

“Don’t be, Jason.” And Dick glances down Jason’s body, and of course he’s still wearing his makeup and those skimpy clothes. “Can I get you anything?” And he does mean anything. Jason could ask him for whatever right now, and Dick would bend over backwards to get it for him.

“You were right.” Jason’s voice is still so low and almost weak as he averts his gaze. Dick’s never seen him like this, not since tonight has he ever seen Jason so withdrawn. “You were right, Dick. I’m not okay. I… It does bother me, it never stops bothering me. It’s why I hate physical contact so much, especially, especially when it’s unexpected. It’s why I get so worked up whenever anyone tries touching one of you. I just… I can never forget it. It’s so easy to play it off, to pretend it doesn’t fucking hurt. I’ve been doing it my whole life, Dick, it doesn’t even feel like an act anymore.”

Dick swallows thickly and chews his lip. Jason’s never been vulnerable like this around him. He straightens himself up because Jason needs him right now, and he can’t shy away from this. Jason needs him, needs his support. He carefully takes Jason’s hand in his own and draws Jason’s attention to him.

“It doesn’t have to be an act around me, you don’t have to be okay.” He assures and he sees the way Jason swallows and he can see the way his eyes are watering. “Do you want to talk about it, or do you… just want me to stay close, what do you need from me, Jase?”

“Just you.” Jason’s voice is weak, the threat of tears is obvious in the sound of it. It sounds like it’s stuck in the back of his throat and it makes his lip quiver. It tears at Dick’s chest. He steps into Jason’s space and when Jason instantly deflates and shrinks down, even more, Dick doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms tight around Jason’s body and hold him close. Jason rests his head against Dick’s shoulder and lets out a shaky sigh.

Dick turns his head into Jason’s own and kisses his temple as he rubs his hands slow but firmly up and down Jason’s back. Time seems to dissipate while they’re holding onto each other like that, and it kind of has the same feeling and easy atmosphere that had been around them when they’d been making out earlier. Only this time it feels more needed, for both of them. When Dick finally pulls back, Jason’s shoulders are tense and trembling slightly. Dick swallows and runs his hands down Jason’s arms, trying to keep his gaze on Jason’s face.

“I can get you something to change into,” Dick offers and Jason’s nodding instantly.

“Thank you, I’m sorry for… bringing this into your home. I know you want to just forget about what happened.” Jason mumbles as he follows Dick into his room. Dick pauses and turns to look at Jason like he can’t believe what he just said.

“Jay, don’t apologise for needing comfort,” Dick says as he steps up to Jason again. “I’m glad you came here, honestly. I was… I couldn’t stop thinking about it and not knowing if you were really okay… I hated thinking I was going to be getting into bed fine and you were going to be silently suffering through this like you do so often.”

“You weren’t fine though. We both know you weren’t going to be sleeping well tonight.” Jason states, and it’s true, it’s as true as it could be. Dick sighs and runs his fingers through his hair as he turns away from Jason again. He starts looking through his clothes for something that will be baggy enough for Jason to wear comfortably.

“This isn’t about me.”

“I know,” Jason jumps in before Dick can even try continuing his thought. “But that doesn’t mean that… it doesn’t affect you too. Because it did, it does. I know all you wanted to do was beat that guy into a pulp, I know that you wanted so badly to get me out of that situation.”

“The mission is never, never worth that.” Dick almost snarls, not at Jason but because he really should have, because he could have, done something. He turns around again holding out clothes for Jason to take. Jason chews his lip and takes the offered clothes. Dick can tell that there’s no fight in him, that he wants to repeat himself about how it’s better it was him than Dick. It’s that attitude toward it that frustrates Dick so much.

“I’m sorry,” Dick murmurs because getting worked up about this all over again isn’t going to help. He can tell that Jason’s not going to want to argue or anything like that. He came here because he trusts Dick, because he knows that Dick will comfort him all he needs, because he knows that in turn, that will comfort Dick.

“Don’t be, I get it.” Jason shrugs as he pulls off the excuse of a shirt that he’d been wearing and throws it off the side to Dick’s bed. He pulls on Dick’s oversized jumper and tugs it down far enough that it nearly covers the entire length of Jason’s skirt.

Dick turns away and lets Jason change into his pants as well, even though he’s probably seen and touched more of Jason than he ever thought he would tonight, he’s still a decent person. “We don’t need to talk about this anymore if you don’t want to.” Dick’s quick to say. He hears Jason sigh but doesn’t turn around just yet.

It’s not until Jason steps up to him and rests his hand lightly on Dick’s back that he turns around. He tries not to glance down Jason’s body, but he can’t help himself. He just feels like there’s a completely different person standing in front of him compared to who he started his night with. The confidence is gone, that smirk is gone, now it’s like Jason doesn’t know if he even belongs in his own skin, curled in on himself the way that he is. Dicks swallows again and turns completely into Jason and rests his hands on his waist.

“It’s okay, I’m just… tired I guess.”

“You can stay in my bed if you want.”

“Only if that’s where you’re going to be.” Jason murmurs, and he manages a weak smile and it doesn’t look too fake. Dick smiles softly as well and nods.

“If that’s what you want.”

“I came here to be with you, not to kick you out of your bed.” Jason shrugs. He chews his lip and Dick’s not sure if it’s because he’s nervous or if it’s because he wants to say more. He doesn’t push either way and gestures to his bed.

“Do you need anything else? Something to eat or drink?”

“No, I’m fine thanks. I just want to be close to you.” Jason says and Dick nods instantly and steps out of Jason’s space.

“I’ll just go lock everything up and turn things off, I’ll be back in a moment,” Dick says as he waves his hand around a little like he’s trying to show his path around the apartment or something. Jason’s lip manages another little upturn of his lip and he nods.

“Alright, Bluebird.” He leans in and presses a chaste kiss to Dick’s cheek before he crawls up the end of Dick’s bed and chucks his other clothes to the floor before he lays back against the headboard.

Dick’s quick on his feet as he moves around the apartment to make sure that everything’s sorted out. And the last light to go off is in his room, and he pulls the door shut behind him before he blindly makes his way over to the bed and crawls up to the spot beside Jason. And instantly Jason’s turning into him and curling up on his side in front of him.

Dick smiles fondly as he looks up at Jason and runs his hand down the side of Jason’s face. Jason nuzzles into the touch, staring up at Dick like he has fifty things he wants to say. Dick wets his lips and shuffles a little closer so that he can comfortably wrap his arms around Jason’s body. “What’s on your mind?”

“Something that shouldn’t be,” Jason admits. Dick raises his eyebrow and leans closer to him.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I’m not sure you want to.” Jason murmurs and Dick nudges his side slightly.

“Try me.”

There’s a beat of silence that passes between them before Jason pushes himself up. Dick rolls onto his back on impulse as Jason shifts over him and sits himself firmly on Dick’s waist. Dick swallows thickly and grabs Jason’s hips. Jason stares down at Dick, and there’s still makeup on Jason’s face, making his eyes look darker and his lips look fuller. Dick’s gaze flickers down to Jason’s lips for a second before he’s looking into Jason’s eyes again. Jason’s hands press into Dick’s chest as he holds himself up, thighs squeezing lightly around Dick’s hips.

“Is this okay?” Jason asks and his fingers are tracing light shapes against Dick’s chests, shapes that he can hardly feel through the fabric of his jumper. Dick nods and slides his hands down over the tops of Jason’s thighs, rubbing his thumbs into his skin. “I need you to fuck me, Dick.”

And the way that Jason says it, with some desperation stuck in the back of his throat making his voice sound strained, it makes Dick shake, but not in the good way. Dick sits up, keeping Jason in his lap as he sighs softly, lightly resting his hands against Jason’s biceps now. “Jay, I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this, that you owe me anything or something like that.”

“That’s not what this is.” Jason’s quick to correct. Dick’s gaze drops to Jason’s lips again when he licks them before letting out a soft sigh. “I need this for me. I… need to know that you still want me, even though I’m tainted, even though I’m broken and disgusting.”

Jason’s words make it feel like he’s ripped Dick’s heart from his chest. He reaches up and cups Jason’s cheeks, turning his head up so that he’s forced to look Dick in the eye. “You’re not disgusting.” He murmurs with a fierceness to his tone to show that he means it. Jason swallows and presses his hips harder into Dick’s own.

“Then show me, please.” Jason almost begs. Dick bites into the inside of his lip and gives a small nod. He can’t deny his attraction to Jason, and he can’t deny that despite everything, being intimate with him right now, especially if it will make Jason feel better does appeal to him.

He pulls Jason closer to him, leaning in to kiss his throat softly as he turns them around and lays Jason out on the bed where he had just been. Jason’s arms wrap loosely around his shoulders and his head tips back to give Dick all the access to his throat that he needs. And his legs fall away from being around Dick’s hips the moment that Dick’s hands grip the hem of his pants again.

Dick pulls them down easily, dropping them off to the side before his hands are back on Jason’s body. He’s bare from the waist down, and it makes sense that he wouldn’t want to be stuck in those panties, but it’s still a pleasant surprise for Dick to discover. He pushes one of Jason’s up slightly and Jason’s instantly spreading his legs wider, his fingers digging into Dick’s shoulders a little. Dick’s not sure if it’s because he's nervous or something else.

“Safe words red,” Dick says as he lifts his head. Jason’s lip twitches slightly in a weak smile as he pushes his hips up more into Dick’s body.

“Won’t need it,” Jason murmurs and Dick’s hand stops its movement against the top of Jason’s thigh.

“I don’t care if you think you’ll need it or not, Jay.” Dick’s serious about it, he’s not going to have Jason ignore the importance of a safe word right now. Jason chews his lip a little, and they have a slight stare off in which neither of them move for a moment. Jason sighs though and nods.

“Okay, safe words red.” And Jason’s confirmation that he understands it is enough for Dick. He leans in and kisses Jason softly before he sits himself up a little more and looks down Jason’s body. His cock is sat against his stomach, barely hard and his legs are spread perfectly. Dick reaches over for the bedside drawers and grabs his lube, slicking up his fingers instantly.

Jason fidgets a little and Dick freezes for a moment as he glances up at him. Jason doesn’t look nervous or upset in any way, but he does have his lip between his teeth and the way he shifts makes Dick feel like something’s off. “Are you sure about this, Jason?”

Jason lifts his gaze again and meets Dick’s eyes and gives a firm nod. “I’m fine Dickie, I promise.”

Dick knows that if he keeps asking, if Jason manages to keep himself from being on edge, that he’s going to accidentally make Jason spiral. He’ll probably think that Dick doesn’t actually want him, which is why he keeps asking and delaying the process. Dick takes in a slow but deep breath to try and ground himself before he gives a firm nod to match Jason’s, and finally presses his fingers to Jason’s hole.

Jason doesn’t even make a noise as Dick traces around his rim, massaging the muscle with slick fingers until he feels Jason’s body start to relax. But even then, he teases Jason’s rim a little more as he crowds himself over Jason’s body again and kisses up the side of his throat once more. Jason’s fingers run through the back of Dick’s hair, down his neck and press into the ridges of his spine between his shoulder blades. When Jason lets out a little noise, a mix between a whine and a moan, Dick finally pushes his first finger into Jason’s body.

Jason chuckles softly and it brings Dick out of his thoughts. He bites his lip as he feels Jason tilt his head into his own, his lips brushing over his temple as he rocks his hips down against Dick’s hand. “You’re not going to break me, Dickie, you don’t have to be so careful.”

“Maybe I just want to tease you.” Dick murmurs and there’s a slight lilt to his tone that has Jason letting out a breathy laugh as well. And Dick’s able to relax because of the sound of it and he easily starts picking up the pace, pushing his finger in and out of Jason’s properly, like if he was fingering himself.

Jason gasps softly, starting to make more noises the longer that Dick works him open. And he moans softly when Dick manages to get a second and then a third finger into him. Jason’s body opens up so perfectly for him, and with the noises of pleasure that Jason is making, it almost distracts Dick from why Jason is even here in the first place.

He pulls back from kissing across Jason’s throat as he pulls his fingers from Jason’s body. He drinks in the sight of Jason, cock fully hard against his stomach now, his chest heaving a little and a slight dusting of colour across his cheeks. He looks relaxed, he looks like he’s feeling good and Dick can’t be happier that he really is okay with this.

Reaching over for the bedside drawers again, he grabs a condom and opens it up in an easy motion. Jason shifts a little again as Dick slides it on before spreading lube over his cock. He rests his hands against Jason’s thighs and pushes them up slightly into Jason’s body to position him a little better. Jason’s hands come down to grip Dick’s wrists lightly as Dick lines himself up.

Dick wets his lips as he gives Jason’s body one last look over before he watches his face as he pushes in. Jason’s head tips back slightly, just enough to bare his throat as he lets out a low moan. His body tenses for a second before his muscles relax and Dick’s able to push into him fully. Groaning softly, Dick leans over Jason’s body to press their hips tight together as he takes in the feeling of Jason’s body around him.

“Y-you ever done this before?” Jason asks and Dick laughs because that feels like something that should have been asked before they got this far.

“I’ve topped guys a few times, but none have felt as good as you do,” Dick states honestly. Jason rolls his eyes as Dick gets himself comfortable against Jason’s body.

“I bet you told them the same thing.”

“Don’t bet on something you’d lose, Little Wing.” Dick grins as he runs his fingers up Jason’s arm. He locks their fingers together, holding Jason’s hand against the bed, level with his shoulder, repeating the action with his left arm as well. And the look in Jason’s eye is soft, loving and it makes Dick’s chest feel full.

“I’m gonna move,” Dick says and Jason nods quickly. Dick rolls his hips forward, grinding into Jason’s body firmly before he pulls back, repeating the fluid, firm but slow motions of his hips against Jason’s own. Jason’s eyes roll closed as his head tips to the side, the corner of his mouth turning up in a smile as he moans softly.

He’s gorgeous, Dick’s never seen someone look so stunning like this. Maybe it’s just because it’s Jason, and it’s because Dick’s always thought he was gorgeous. Maybe it’s because, despite everything, they’ve stuck together, even after tonight, they’re here now, together like this, so open and vulnerable, with so much trust in each other. Dick doesn’t care if there’s no explanation, Jason looks almost godlike with pleasure clear on his face.

Dick leans in and kisses up the side of Jason’s neck against, sucking softly on his pulse as he keeps the fluid movements of his hips. And Jason feels amazing too, his body the perfect fit to Dick’s own. Dick feels like he’s out of his own body, it feels too good to be with Jason like this, and to be able to make Jason feel this good in return.

“You’re perfect, there’s nothing about you that I don’t love,” Dick mumbles against Jason’s skin, tipping his head a little to suck on his jaw a little. Jason shivers at the praise, giving a soft moan as he wraps his legs around Dick’s body and pulls him closer.

Dick lifts his head enough to change his angle and kiss Jason firmly. Jason’s lips almost feel too soft, and Dick’s forgotten about the makeup that he’s sure is transferring to his own mouth now as Jason’s lips part against his own. Jason squeezes his left hand and Dick lets go almost instantly, pressing his hand into the mattress to keep himself balanced. Jason’s hand comes up to tangle in the ends of his hair, palm resting against the side of his neck as he holds Dick’s head firmly in place. Like Dick could ever find a reason to pull away from Jason’s lips right now.

Jason’s thighs are shaking around Dick’s waist, his body is rocking up into Dick’s firmly but still slow, and not rough in any way. His moans are caught in Dick’s mouth and the hand still holding onto Dick’s is squeezing lightly, holding him tight. Dick moves against Jason at the same pace, kissing him with the same passion and his fingers clench and unclench around Jason’s own.

Jason breaks the kiss, panting and gasping softly as he tips his head back. His fringe falls into his eyes that are squeezed shut as his lips part and his throat is exposed by the angle. And he looks breathtaking like this, his back arching just slightly from the bed as he moans soft enough that the sound is trapped between them, for no one but Dick to hear.

“I’m gonna come,” He whines and his fingers squeeze Dick’s hand harder, tug a little at Dick’s hair but he doesn’t let go and reach for his cock. Dick groans and twists his fingers in the sheets and clings to Jason’s hand as he thrusts harder into Jason, changing the angle of his hips just enough to have his cock presses a little deeper into Jason’s body.

And when Jason’s head rolls back further and his shoulders push off the bed as he comes, body clenching around him, Dick can’t help but dive in and kiss his throat firmly, moaning against Jason’s skin, praising him as he keeps rolling his hips into him, telling him that he’s incredible, that he feels amazing, that he’s perfect.

It doesn’t take much after that for Dick to come, still rocking into Jason at his firm but slow pace, never once using Jason’s body roughly. By the time they’ve come down from their highs, still holding hands and with Dick laying against Jason’s body, Dick’s chest feels all too tight. He lifts his head from resting against Jason’s chest and looks up at him. Jason’s smiling and his body doesn’t feel tense against Dick’s in the slightest.

“Thank you,” Jason murmurs and Dick wets his lips and slowly sits up so that he can carefully pull out.

“Anything for you, Little Wing.” He leans down to kiss Jason again after dealing with the condom and Jason’s arms wrap around his shoulders in a loose hold. He’s not scared anymore, he knows he’s safe and he knows he can relax.

“I love you,” Dick whispers, because it’s true, because he needs Jason to know that he is loved. Jason smiles wider and pulls Dick down into him to kiss him more, responding between kisses; “I love you too, Dickie, always have.”

Dick silently promises that he always will.


End file.
